The news your mother warned you about

All aboard the Cupcake cabinet

President Cyril Ramaphosa's announcement of cabinet appointments last Sunday dominated the meme world this week. Our new agriculture minister, John Steenhuisen, according to Robyn Porteous on X, has quickly transformed from Dear John to John Deere…

The 43 deputy ministers appointed by Cupcake Ramaphosa were also revealed by several commentators as part of the ANC's new plan to tackle unemployment.

The ministerial appointment that provoked the most reaction on social media was that of Gayton McKenzie, leader of the Patriotic Front and a former robber and prisoner, to take charge of sports, arts and culture.

Gayton obviously has the flair, energy and brains to do the job, and he's already had the excellent idea of supporting and expanding spinning — the sport where you spin old BMWs and Corollas around, not the one where you sweat your lycra-clad ass off on an exercise bike to the beat of fascist doof-doof music. One wonders how much ballet, painting and bowling will benefit from Gayton's enthusiasm.

Crime pays out in dollars

In the past week, the words “convicted felon" have appeared in the orbit of both US presidential candidates.

Finger-pointing on the East Rand

News24 reports that a cash-in-transit robber has been convicted after his finger was found at the scene of a major robbery attempt. Ignatious Mashinini was caught without his middle finger in Benoni, five months after the robbery took place in Bloemfontein. His finger linked him to the crime scene. He was found guilty of several crimes on January 29 but has not yet been sentenced.

The suspected robbers were involved in a shootout with the police. It is not clear whether Mashinini blew off his own finger in an attempt to blow up the cash vehicle. It could also be that he cut it off when the gang stopped the vehicle through a collision, or the police could have shot it off. It could even be that he shot it off himself. Who knows?

Trees don’t grow on money

It remains ironic to encounter comments vaguely critical of capitalism on X, the personal social media network of the world's biggest capitalist. Here are three laconic examples:

Proteas’ 10/10 while 20/20 is still there

The Proteas cricket team is like a phoenix that repeatedly rises from the ashes. Cricket in South Africa is often declared by armchair commentators to be on its last legs due to “transformation" or big money abroad. In addition, the New Zealand Black Caps crushed us recently in a Test series.

Then along come the Proteas and reach the final of the T20 World Cup, eventually losing to the mighty India in a way that makes us proud. However, a cricket sage, Prof Sharhidd Taliep, warns that if young people are taught to play cricket in the 20/20 format, we will reap bitter rewards. In England, Australia and New Zealand, there are already fewer young players, the length of the pitch is adjusted for each age group and the number of balls a batsman receives is limited. The idea is to expose more kids to the game for longer, because 20/20 cricket doesn't allow that. — The Conversation

That boundary rope …

A small group on X believes the Proteas were robbed of a win because Suryakumar Yadav touched the boundary rope with his catch off David Miller, and he was in any case over the official boundary line on the ground. They might have a point …

‘In your hea … head, in your hea … head’

Some Irish rugby fans on social media were upset about “conceited Springbok fans” adapting The Cranberries' song Zombie to make it about Springbok coach Rassie Erasmus. They warned South African fans to not to sing it at Loftus during this weekend's first Test. The Irish fans sing Zombie belligerently at matches, claiming the tune — which was popular at discos, clubs and hedonistic parties in the mid-1990s — is a struggle song that has special meaning for them. The infamous Loftus crowd also desecrated the song when the Bulls crushed Leinster three weekends ago. The talented singer and comedian Rikus de Beer, also known as Radio Raps, put together his own version.

Celebration in the dressing room

Just to reminisce and have fun, here's a video of the Springboks celebrating in the dressing room after winning the World Cup. Between them are quite a few forwards. And then a video of two famous English props and delightful characters, Dan Cole and Joe Marler, about the special bond between rugby forwards all over the world.

♦ VWB ♦

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