News stories that tickle like a feather

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News stories that tickle like a feather

This week was a breeze to gather true news stories that would make a Monty Python news parody seem tame, reports ALI VAN WYK. Drag queens at The Last Supper, VP candidates that look longingly at couches (perhaps) and dog taxis in Cape Town.

Yes, we know, you've seen it already, but it's too good not to share again...

When you go on a bender after the game and end up in France... #parisolympics2024

Posted by Jack Parow on Monday, July 29, 2024

And what do we think of the big fuss about the opening ceremony of the Games? Aaah well, the people who are excitable about religion and debauchery should be glad they didn't see how the French carried on in 1700. Or any other era, to tell the truth …


And while we're on the subject of sport, let's just pause for a moment to consider the fact that Ireland, our newest biggest rugby rival, still can't get past a quarter-final round …


What is the worst performance in Olympic history? It probably came from Eric “The Eel" Moussambani, a “swimmer" from Equatorial Guinea who encountered an Olympic-sized swimming pool for the first time at the Sydney Games. He had learned to swim only eight months earlier, in a 20-metre hotel pool. He qualified via a wildcard system intended to encourage wider participation.

His 100 m freestyle heat had only three participants. Two had false starts and were disqualified, which left "The Eel". When he dove in and floundered more than he made progress, the crowd realised something was wrong and began to encourage him. He almost didn’t make it but eventually finished with a time of 1:52.72. The gold medal winner of the event, Pieter van den Hoogenband, finished in 48.30 seconds.

Eric the Eel was the slowest freestyle swimmer in the history of the Olympic Games.
Eric the Eel was the slowest freestyle swimmer in the history of the Olympic Games.

The burning underpants of Sydney  

During the 1956 Olympic Games in Melbourne, Australia, 3,000 relay athletes carried the Olympic torch 4,200 km along the coast from Cairns to Melbourne.

It had to pass through Sydney, where it was to be handed to the mayor, Pat Hills, in a short ceremony. The cross-country athlete Harry Dillon was supposed to pass the torch to Hills at 7.32 pm, but about 10 minutes earlier an athlete appeared with a torch and the mayor had to rush out half-dressed to receive it, which he dutifully did.

When the athlete disappeared back into the crowd, someone shouted: “But that's not the Olympic torch!" Interrupting his speech to take a closer look, Hills saw it was a table leg with a jam tin nailed on top, stuffed with three pairs of fuel-soaked underpants.
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The prankster, veterinary student Barry Larkin, later said he was just an innocent bystander when the actual prankster got cold feet and shoved the torch into his hand, saying: “Go!" Dillon, the official bearer, arrived 10 minutes later.

Old prankster Barry Larkin, a student, who handed over a torch made of underpants to Sydney's mayor.
Old prankster Barry Larkin, a student, who handed over a torch made of underpants to Sydney's mayor.

Duelling pistols that fired wax bullets were used in this event.
Duelling pistols that fired wax bullets were used in this event.

‘I slap your cheek with my glove!'

It might be hard to believe, but synchronised swimming is far from the most bizarre sport at the Olympics. In Paris, in 1900, the Games offered live pigeon shooting. If you missed two birds in a row, you were eliminated. The winner was Belgium's Léon de Lunden, who bagged 21 pigeons in a row.

Or how about pistol duelling at the 1908 Games in London? It's the same thing that 19th-century “gentlemen" with a dispute to settle would do down by the river at dawn. In many cases, one of the two parties would die. In the Olympics, duellers shot each other with wax bullets, almost like paintball but much, much more painful.

At the 1912 Games in Stockholm, the participants didn't shoot at each other but at a target on a dummy. After that, interest in these “blood sports" waned and they disappeared from the Olympics.


The Lithuanian Olympic basketball team of 1992 played in the colours of its sponsor, The Grateful Dead.
The Lithuanian Olympic basketball team of 1992 played in the colours of its sponsor, The Grateful Dead.

Hippy hippy hooray!

After the fall of the Iron Curtain, the Lithuanian basketball team couldn't afford to take part in the 1992 Games in Barcelona … until it was sponsored by Jerry Garcia's psychedelic band, The Grateful Dead.

The Dead sent cash and gave the team permission to sell band merch, and the Lithuanians ended up with the bronze medal. They played with The Dead's colours — yellow, green and red — tie-dyed on their uniforms.


From the sublime to the ridiculous. Don't believe it when people try to tell you “nothing happens in Stilbaai".


From the absurd to the muddy trenches of politics. We know there is no truth to the story that JD Vance shared in his autobiographical book, Hillbilly Elegy, that he had sex with a sofa. It is classic fake news. But the jokes that followed are simply too funny not to share. Just don't spread it as gospel.







And lastly for old JD. With his “childless cat ladies" comment about single women, he may have just pushed the wrong buttons …


You could probably say “only in America" if you came across this 3D-printed version of Donald Trump's mangled ear for sale.


It wouldn't have taken an eternity for someone to have thought this up … with apologies to Disney.


Cape Town has a new dog museum in a beautiful 350-year-old house in the Gardens. Its founder is Karel van der Vyfer, and it provides an overview of the history of people with dogs as friends, workers and comforters. To celebrate this, here are a few animal videos. We apologise in advance if they are too cute.



The most adorable yoga buddy ❤️ (via @Mary and Secret) #shorts.



If you thought the two little guys above were clever, check out this rascal!


AfriPaw, a non-government organisation that provides free mobile animal clinics in poor areas, is experimenting with pet taxis, or bicycles that can transport animals, to help older people get their animals to the clinic. It started by offering a free pet taxi service once a month in Vrygrond, Cape Town. AfriPaw is looking for a sponsor for the project, with initial setup costs of R25,000 and R7,000 a year for maintenance.

© ASHRAF HENDRICKS
© ASHRAF HENDRICKS

Nice old local ad. Do you remember this Ya Mampela advertisement from 2004 that advertised SABC TV's launch? It was in the days when the SABC still had money for adverts created by big agencies.

Contrary to what rumour-mongers on the web might tell you, the advertisement was never banned. The SABC eventually discontinued it after the Zulu king, Goodwill Zwelithini, filed a complaint about it, not because of the racial theme but because it used Zulu slang that allegedly put isiZulu in a bad light. The correct expression is apparently: “Yangempela".


And finally, a classic bit of comedy which is always worth rewatching. Nobody is spared …


VWB


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