Beyond the tantric trends of Tietiesbaai

DEAR loved ones, is there anything worse under this sun than sloppy sex? Perhaps Gretha Wiid knows. Have you heard of the tantra trend in Cape Town – the sacred sex workers with their cloths and beads who come with a cure for every ailment, at a hefty price? Even though I have my reservations about some of these opportunistic healers who manically waltz on bare beaches under the moon, I must confess I am a fan of tantra: Spiritual healing through physical intimacy makes sense to me.

Hands can be used to communicate, provide comfort, and heal on many different levels. I know this because I have to use sign language with my non-verbal child and respond to his body language – when I don't understand him, I can reach out to him with a hug. We both understand that language. Touch that happens through love and with the intention to heal lowers stress hormone levels in the body and promotes the functioning of the immune system. Even a simple caress or embrace can elicit healing reactions that persist long after the physical act.

Tantra is a spiritual attitude towards sex and walks a path through love. There are various tantric traditions. In the Cape you are likely to end up in a neo-tantra class. In Pretoria, tantra simply means a handjob for which you’re going to pay. In Sandton, the tantra facilities are equipped for all your juicy needs. The Western perspective on tantra tends to approach it as a luxurious form of sex. And it is luxurious, since you have to dig out around R1 500 for a workshop. Holistic wellness trends, sexual empowerment, spiritual curiosity and cultural exposure have all contributed to a renewed and growing interest in tantric practices, which are starting to take root in the Cape.

What is tantra?

Tantra is a spiritual and philosophical tradition that originated in India and has roots in Hinduism and Buddhism. The word “tantra" comes from the Sanskrit roots “tan", meaning “to weave, expand or stretch", and “tra", meaning “tool, instrument or technique". Within these broad schools, there are many sub-traditions, streams and specific practices.

The tantric traditions have evolved and diversified substantially over the centuries across the Indian subcontinent and East Asia. The precise number of distinguishable schools can range from around five to 10 major schools to many smaller streams and regional variations. The boundaries between the schools can also be fluid, with significant overlap and cross-pollination of ideas and practices. While there is no single definitive count, the main schools of tantra fall into the categories of Hindu, Buddhist and Neo-Tantra, each with its unique streams and interpretations of this rich spiritual and philosophical tradition.

Sloppy sex

I blame sloppy sex on people who no longer know how to use their senses: People become desensitised by sex on their screens and other stimulants. If you think it's nice to have a head banging between someone's legs, I'll also blame rugby. And Formula 1, because speed is a factor, and you may just as well slam on those brakes.

Today I feel compelled to share the gospel of good sex with you out of the goodness of my loins and chat with Marcel from Kashaya Tantra about everything you should know about sex outside the box of penetration. Sex shouldn't be a soul-sucking experience: Except for forests, art, mountains and seafood; it is one of the most meaningful reasons for your continued existence.

“Tantra is not technique but a prayer. It is not head-oriented but a relaxation into the heart."

Marcel claims that her spiritual path through tantra began about 17 years ago when she first encountered her teachers. During that time, she joined a group of women who collectively delved into their spiritual and sexual depths. They used everything that life had to offer as a playground for sexual healing. Their exploration campaign was faithful to the tantric nature: playful, insightful, challenging and intense. They were all wounded, especially sexually, but they knew a spiritual sexual awakening was possible.

The core principles of tantra

• Tantra involves a holistic worldview and approaches our existence as interconnected, with the divine presence in all things, including the body and the physical world.
• Rituals, mantras, meditation, breathwork techniques and visualisation are used to attune your spirituality to sexuality and use it to reach a new consciousness.
• Tantra emphasises the divine feminine principle, often personified by the goddess Shakti, as the source of spiritual power and transformation.
• Sexuality and sensual energy are used as a way to achieve spiritual enlightenment and heal psychoses.
• Tantra strives to integrate and transcend dualities.

Essentially, tantra is a holistic spiritual path that uses ritual, meditation and sacred sexuality to unlock one's full potential. It represents a profound and multifaceted spiritual and philosophical tradition and is a discipline that you must practice daily.

The Holy Cold Vagina

At 30 years old, I realised I had never had an orgasm. My sexual exploration had been quite limited, but the problem ran deeper than that. I ended up on a bed in S.H.I.P. therapy. The principle of S.H.I.P. is that traumatic events are stored in your body and you can own them through hypnosis. A fantastic book about it was written by Bessel van der Kolk: The Body Keeps the Score. It took me two years in S.H.I.P. therapy to address my dissociation from my body. My emotions were simply not connected to my body. During one of our last sessions under hypnosis, I discovered The Holy Cold Vagina in my subconscious. You are allowed to snigger here.

Shortly after, I went away for a weekend with friends to a lodge hidden in the Magaliesberg. I took ecstasy for the first time while we sat around a fire and listened to the crackling of the flames. Suddenly, I got an idea: We must set out on a quest to find the Holy Cold Vagina in the forest bordering the lodge. Imagine ten friends on ecstasy walking through a forest at night with a lantern. For practical purposes, each of us got a glow stick and a number. We had a guide at the front and at the back – to ensure that no one disappeared. Somewhere in that forest, we discovered a Deborah Bell sculpture garden. The central figure was beheaded.

As everyone admired the sculptures, I realised the beheaded sculpture in the middle was the only womanly figure. I placed the lantern on her head and sat under her feet with my head against her pelvis. A great sadness filled me with wonder and I began to shamelessly pray for The Holy Cold Vagina. My friends came over and stood around me and prayed with me in the name of The Holy Cold Vagina: May you glide through life like a warm wet vagina, we ended the prayer. There was nothing sexual about the experience, and it remains one of the most beautiful memories with my friends. In the week that followed, I experienced my first orgasm. My psychologist was delighted but shocked when I told him that there was no one involved in the orgasm: A wall came crashing down in my sleep. This experience sent me on a quest for sexual spirituality: Welcome to the world of Neo-Tantra.

An initiation into neo-tantra

My first introduction to neo-tantra was through a stack of books, breathing, pelvic-floor exercises, meditation and a boy-meets-girl story. I learnt that the body has a language and if you go against this grain of your body's language it will cause harm. Sex is a pathway to another dimension. I started to see orange tunnels during meditation and a white light vibrated from my forehead during orgasms in which I could completely surrender myself. That incredible lightness of being remained with me for days. It doesn't always work that way, those were unique experiences, and usually tantra just involves an intimate and intuitive understanding with your partner.

Neo-tantra refers to modern, Western interpretations and practices of tantric traditions from Hinduism and Buddhism. It emerged in the 1960s and '70s after Western spiritual seekers showed interest in Eastern mystical and sexual practices. These can include techniques such as extended sexual intimacy, breathwork, visualisation and meditation, aimed at enhancing sexual pleasure and spiritual connection. Practitioners view neo-tantra as a path to spiritual enlightenment, ecstasy and deeper intimacy, not just as a sexual technique.

How does one cultivate a discipline of complete presence during sex?

• Practice mindfulness, breathing and meditation to be fully present during intimate experiences.
• Bring a sense of sacredness, ritual and reverence to sexual encounters.
• Incorporate yogic practices.
• Explore tantric yoga poses and movement exercises to cultivate sexual energy.
• Explore sacred sexuality, sensuality and feminine embodiment.
• Become aware of both the light and the dark within you.
• Engage your partner in shared breathing, eye contact and other practices that deepen emotional bonds.
• Cultivate trust, vulnerability and surrender within sexual relationships.

The chat with Marcel lasted for two hours while we talked about everything but sex. I was so intrigued that I forgot to take notes. All my preconceived ideas about the tantra tantes of Tietiesbaai flew out of the window and I decided to commit to a week-long workshop. I still think you could easily get taken for a ride, but perhaps that dance under the moon is meaningful for you. It is crucial to look for a qualified tantra practitioner because you have to fully trust them with your entire body and spirit to guide you on a sensitive and profound journey. There is also the potential to be sexually exploited.

Do thorough research on the teacher's background, reviews and references. Question them about their training, initiations and years of teaching experience. Ensure that they have a certification from a recognised tantric organisation. Confirm whether their style aligns with your goals, comfort zone and spiritual/sexual orientation. The selection process must involve thorough research, open communication and an assessment of both tangible and energetic resonance. Take the time to find a teacher who can facilitate your tantric journey with wisdom, integrity and care.

Tantra can heal sexual and spiritual wounds because dedicated physical intimacy can free you through love from uncomfortable feelings such as shame. It is one of the best natural medicines and is usually free of charge. It really doesn't revolve around orgasms, but if you do get there, good for you. I perceive tantra as the opposite of casual sex because it involves complete presence and dedication. It's a tiny bit of magic, take it or leave it. I'll see you in Tietiesbaai.

♦ VWB ♦

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